Making Changes

I think the thing that makes me most excited when I imagine being old is, well, less change. Besides your body losing to gravity, life as an old person seems void of change. The old people I meet know what they think about life. And they will tell you. Because who cares what you think of them. They don't have these major life decisions to make. They don't have futures to plan. I don't mean that in a morbid way. It seems sweet. Heaven is just around the corner and life here has been lived. No change.

And to be honest... the only time I EVER agree with the previous paragraph is when change is staring me in the face and I want to run. Run from the pressure. Run from the doubt. The doubt in myself. The doubt that God won't show up. Because the truth is, when I don't feel overwhelmed by some daunting decision, I love change. I love that my future is still out there... waiting to be lived. I love that I will not be the same person in 10 years. Hopefully I will be different tomorrow. I love that what happens today will CHANGE what happens tomorrow and the next day and months from now. I love being able to grow. I love that God designed us to be spurred on in truth. And more than the change I love... I love that He does not.

But in crisis... or in my over-dramatic response to change... I find myself wishing I could sit in a rocking chair on the porch of my house, old and wise, looking back on this time. Laughing at my insecurities as a 20-something girl. Change is so hard. Duh, Callan. But it's only hard because I want it to be meaningful, to have impact.

I know you can relate. Because you are changing. You have a decision to make about something. You have big plans in the near future. You are changing jobs. You are meeting new people. You are praying for growth in an area of weakness. I know I will never be alone in my fear of the unknown. Because I have you. Because we are all nervous. And we have a God who is not. We have a God who lets us wig out, only to comfort us and bring us peace as we move towards Him. I don't mean to put a pretty bow on the issue, as if to say its going to be ok. Because taking a risk means it might not be. It might not be ok, but it will be good. He has a way of doing that...