Identity

I am not good at a lot of things. Like basketball. And giving compliments. And hiding when I am frustrated. And then I am good at other things, like fender benders, making people feel small. Eating too much sugar. And that's my problem. My identity is all wrapped up in things that make me less than. What is that all about? I never thought I was like that. Until a project we were given at OSS last week. We were supposed to cut out images from magazines to make a collage of 3 things that represented our identity in God's eyes. Mine were the phrase, "Who is in the drivers seat?" meant to recognize the struggle I always have with being in control. The second was an amtrak train in motion meant to represent my ridiculous pace in life. And the third a bunch of watches. This one was about my obsession with time, efficiency and frustration with others' lack of these things. I didn't realize how negatively I assumed God viewed me until that moment, looking down at my sad, sad piece of paper. I mean, what kind of God/Father is it that I serve? The greatest earthly father in the world doesn't go around describing his children by their flaws. "Oh, my daughter Molly really has a temper. And Jack is the one with the pride issue." Why would my Father do that? And even as I type this... I think, "Yeah, but what else would He say?" I hate compliments. Always have. But why? I don't believe them maybe. I often think people are trying to manipulate me by getting on my "good side." It's been different these last few years. I guess since I moved to Santa Cruz. I am trusting people more, their motives. But the thing is, compliments, even when people mean it, haven't changed my view of what God thinks of me. And that makes since. No one knows me like Him. And He doesn't give compliments. Not in words at least. So here I am, wondering... What is it that You think of me? How would You describe me? Father, show me who I am through Your eyes.