Nothing Will Ever Work Unless You Do

That's a quote by Maya Angelou. I don't know why she is famous... except that Oprah really likes her. This quote draws me in, works me over and spits me out. For more than one reason, I hate this quote; for its complexity, its truth, its lies, the way it describes my life and rebukes my life in the same instance. I am a legalist. I am very often a pharisee. I am also a prodigal from time to time. When it comes to my walk with Christ, so often it becomes something I am ashamed of.

A Typical To Do List

1. Read the Bible
2. Pray
3. Fast
4. Evangelize
5. Work on not being legalistic.

How backwards is that? My pastor shared a great analogy on Sunday that shed so much light on the shame I have. I acquire my dream house. It is beautiful. There are rooms filled with comfy couches and chairs for my friends and family to fellowship. It has gardens and pools and views and I love it! But I need to build a driveway to connect the house to the road. It should really be a gorgeous driveway to match the house it leads to so I spend a lot of time on paving the road, planting flowers on either side, I even put a bridge in to go over the creek that flows in the front yard. I am finally done so I invite you over. As we reach the driveway I ask you to park. I just HAVE to show you the driveway I have spent so much time working on. I show you the stones I imported from Italy. You seem very impressed by the rose bushes. And by the time we get to the bridge (which I am sure you love!) we realize its been 2 hours and we have to get going. We never actually get to the house. The driveway is important. But only because it leads to the house.

God is the house. He is the place of fellowship, love and joy. The driveway is what gets us there each day; reading scripture, praying, fasting, etc. All of these things are so important. But only because they lead us to the Father. This has broken open a big part of my legalism but if I am completely honest, I have a LONG road ahead. But only because I know my flesh... It really is so easy. He is there. He is eager. He loves me right where I am. Just as if I never sinned. Just as if I always obeyed. Justified. Because of Your blood Jesus. Because of Your gift and sacrifice the Father looks down on me and can say "Well done good and faithful servant." Because You are the good and faithful servant, who stands in my place.

NEVERTHELESS

Here are a few thoughts from the sermon I heard this morning! I am so blessed by the church He has brought me to and am excited about what I am learning:

The Israelites got to see so much cool stuff! God sent them a cloud, manna, they walked through the sea, they woke up one day to a desert and the next to a lake. These people SAW the acts of God. "NEVERTHELESS, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness." 1 Cor. 10:5 Seeing those acts, experiencing God in such a seemingly practical way wasn't enough to sustain their faith. So why was Moses different? What made Aaron and Caleb's response different?

Psalms 103:7 After 6 verses about God's mighty acts and followed by 15 verses about the character of God is this eye-opening, heart-grabbing verse, "He made known His WAYS to Moses and his ACTS to the people of Israel."

I have seen AMAZING things God has done. He brought me out of a life of sin and darkness and offered me a new life, as His daughter, through His own death and resurrection. He has changed the hearts of so many of my friends. Brought them closer to their parents, closer to their enemies, closer to me even when I didn't deserve it. He has literally saved my life time and time again. Saved my family and friends from pain and anguish. I have seen amazing things, but none of it is enough to sustain my future faith. Knowing His ways will sustain me. Don't underestimate the power of our fleshly passions. Don't overestimate your ability to handle temptation. GOD provides a way out and it is almost always a person, someone who is holding you accountable to the commitments you've made to God. Paul had seen miracle after miracle and he was still afraid of failing to fulfill the Lord's purpose for his life. He had a healthy fear of being "disqualified." 1 Cor. 9:27 So should we. Its not that we are in danger of losing or salvaltion. But we are in danger of wasting this life.

I don't want to feel obligated to read my bible every morning. I don't want to add it to a list of things to do so that I can feel good about myself when I check it off. I know that knowing the ways of my Father, who adores me, will guard me from a purposeless life of disappointment. Because knowing Him is the best thing this life has to offer.

I hope this isn't a downer to read. Because it has had the opposite affect on me. Being reminded that I will always forget. But that he will always remind me. What a comfort. What a joy. Thanking God for what I have keeps me from looking for I don't. He knows what I need. And His blessings are GREAT!!!!!

Another gift of grace...

For those of you who have been in my life the last few years, you know that I have been overwhelmed by my understanding of grace. God has gradually allowed me to know and feel and give and enjoy His grace on a deeper and deeper level through change and incredible teachers and good friends. I spent so much of my walk with Him feeling "tolerated" and it is a pretty recent thing for me to be able to recognize myself as His daughter. It has been such a fruitful time but if I can be honest... the last few months I have struggled with this grace. I have wondered if I have pitched my tent in a soft view of the gospel, ignoring some hard truths because they aren't as comforting as grace. I see others working so hard to be righteous, working so hard to be the most knowledgeable and I have been running for the hills to stay away from the legalism I once lived in.

Today, God showed up in a HUGE way! I tried a new church called Venture. It is a 40 minute commute and as I drove over the hill I prayed out loud. I shared with God what I thought I might be looking for in a church but admitted I really had no idea. I shared with Him areas I see in my life that are stagnant. I shared with Him some distractions that I see forming in my life, some footholds perhaps. And by the time I arrived at the church parking lot I still had no idea what I was looking for or how I was going to know if it was right for me.

I was 13 minutes early. I sat alone in the back left. I watched all colors of people come in and begin laughing with the people next to them. I saw at least 8 culturally mixed couples. I saw 2 men in wheelchairs handing out bulletins. I saw the drummer was a woman!!!! Sweet! So far, so good. The worship leader was an attractive man with absolutely no stage presence which left me focusing on the words of each song as well as my response. It was fabulous!

The teaching pastor began by listing all of the things I had listed as desires I had in a church: fellowship, growth, truth, joy and anticipation. He went on to say he was describing a church he had pastored once where while all these things were present, individual growth wasn't. People were struggling year after year with the same issues. And there I sat, astounded at God's intensively intimate hand in my heart at that very moment. "Ok, Dad, I am listening."

He spoke of nodding our heads with the Pastor on Sunday Morning, encouraged by Truth and the Gospel. And then Monday hits, and our priorities swing right back into what they were. This is because we are deceived. This is because we are afraid. This is because we have failed so many times before. It's easier to give in. And the piece that is missing, the ingredient that can free us from allowing our bodies to control us is Discipline.

Sarah Welles has always been so good at affirming this in my life. She can list times when I have said I am going to do something... and in her memory I always follow through. And for that season I have encouraged her. I am so grateful for that but am continually discouraged by the fact that it NEVER LASTS!!!! But there is a piece of this grand puzzle that I have never been able to find. A piece that connects our seemingly hopeless attempts of righteousness to our ever-growing need for grace. A piece that connects my fear of having a mushy, weak view of salvation with the truth that this life is a calling like no other. And here it is.....

Discipline is a by-product of grace. That same grace that keeps me by my Fathers side. That same grace that picks me up off the floor. That same grace that allows me to come running back into His arms when I fall. From that grace flows the gift of self-control.

"For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and wordly passions and to live self-contolled upright and godly lives in the present age." Titus 2:11-12

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Hebrews 12:11

Discipline is a gift. One that doesn't have expectations or requirements. One that doesn't cost anything God doesn't already supply. I find myself nodding. I find myself agreeing with all my heart and praying desperately that Monday never hits. But it will. In 3 short hours actually so I am going to continue to pray. I am going to be memorizing these verses as well as 1 Cor. 9:24-27, 2 Peter 1:6 and Gal. 5:22-23. I am going to be making a few changes this week. And a few more next week. And so on and so forth. Not to be a better person but to enjoy this gift that my Father offers lovingly and without limits. You only get one shot at this life...

Super Amazing Moment Today!!!!!

Took Carissa to grab a coffee. She made fun of me for saying "a coffee" rather than just "coffee." Huh. Anyway, we both ordered iced coffee. I got a mocha and she got a hazelnut latte. Notice you can't say, "I got iced mocha," or "I got hazelnut coffee." That sounds caveman. So take that Carissa. Anyway, it was one of those days where the weather makes you doubt your choices. Too warm for a hot beverage. Just make you sweat more. And the iced beverages will melt in this weather. Fear not! Because at Mountain Brewery in Felton California they serve iced beverages with COFFEE ICE! That's right! So even if it melts, it doesn't become some watered down mess! I am so excited about this new find!!!!!

Long Time No See!!!!

So it's been awhile, I know. I know Emelia ok?!!! Geez! Anyway, I am back into the swing of OSS only this time around, we all know each other pretty well. So the "Welcome to OSS BBQ 09" wasn't as awkward as 08. But in some ways, not as memorable either. Don't get me wrong. I love this year. I love that we have an understanding of one another that goes a year deep. And really since we are on camp time, maybe more like 5 years deep. But there weren't any funny awkward moments that will continue on into the ages. Like last year, meeting Aimee for the first time, calling her Amy and learning that she drinks Patron straight, over ice. Or hearing Emelia's bee down the shirt story. Or sharing a bathroom with Cindy and finding ourselves needing to go to the bathroom at the same time EVERY morning. Or pretending like I wasn't sort of freaked out by Drew's "accent." All quality "getting to know you" moments that I value and savor in the retelling. But we have made a few new stories already. "Fun Table", pushing Carissa up Randy's (well not quite), coffe time with Char... all in all I have high hopes for this year. I know it will be different but I think that's actually what I am looking forward to.

Renewable Resources...?

So on my my way back from Sonora to the beautiful Santa Cruz this weekend I drove by foothills filled with windmills. Do you know what I am talking about? It's like an alien planet, hills of white statues spinning in sync as the wind blows. Anyways, it got me thinking. There is so much potential, unused energy just sitting around. We could be using the wind, the flow of water down rivers, the sun... And that's when it hit me. Fat! We are the most obese country in the world. We should come together and make good on that blubber. Here's how it would work. Much like wind mills make energy from the kinetic energy of wind, we could turn gyms into power centers. As we run and break down the extra pounds, the treadmills could be harnessing that kinetic energy and our PG&E bills would shrink, hopefully along with our waists! I am a genius, I know.

Campfire

Every Tuesday night, we Naturalists come together to perform. There is no room for pride or shame. We must dance and sing and make fools of ourselves to the best of our ability whether or not we have a voice the next day. Ben and Drew seem to pass the gas back and forth each week. This week was Drew's turn and he even took the time to try and teach me how to harness the strength within and pass the gas right back! Don't worry... I declined! Girls don't fart anyway... Emelia at some point will find herself laughing hysterically. This week, her "seal cries" emerged at the sight of John trying desperately to pull the tightly fitting wet suit off of Drew's body. It got stuck at his kankles! But that laugh can get anyone going! And we all end up in hysterics. Never thought I'd meet anyone who could out laugh me!!! And what a pleasure it is! Cian is a new addition but what a great fit! He is awkward beyond words, forgetting all of his lines, kneeling at imaginary udders, dressing up like a total nerd, side-part and all! Fantastic! Cindy and I will always find a way to fake fight or push and shove before the night is over. I think she is jealous of my mad skills and tries to hold all the frustration in until she just can't handle it anymore! If you know Cindy you can imagine how gentle I have to be not to break her. The fight is always unfair... All I really have to do is yell at the top of my lungs, "NO NO NO NO NO!" and she folds! HAHAHAHAHA! Tina is a ridiculously amazing cheerleader who won't have a voice tomorrow! Ben's cow jokes are always a treat! Except when our audience is full of muslim kids and we realize he is actually making fun of their god... more awkward. Sarah as a mickey wizard is always funny. Jessica is the most impressive because she used to hide in the bushes when we first started, out of fear of performing such rediculous skits. And now she rocks our faces off! Or as Drew would say, "She makes our hearts sour like eagles." Tonight we missed Beth and Char. But on a regular basis Char's hair pokes me in the eye or Beth attacks me with a smore, so they are always a blast too! I just wanted as many people as possible to experience in some way the awesomeness that is Outdoor Science School Campfire... So there. Take that. We are BOSS.

The life of a Parrot.

You can tell me what to say.
I will repeat it.
You can teach me to compliment you.
I will do it.
You can teach me to laugh at your jokes.
I will chuckle.
You can teach me to follow you.
It may not be graceful, but I will hop along.
You can teach me to cry.
I will make the noise.
But I won't mean it.
I don't think you are pretty, I don't know how to.
I don't think you are funny, I can't understand you.
I don't know where you are going, I can't see that far.
I am not sad, I've never had happiness to compare it to.

I am a Parrot. I can obey but I can't enjoy you. Not really.

I don't want to be a Parrot.

Facebook Farewell... for now!

I have decided to take a break from Facebook. I am one of those people who checks my page every chance I get, maybe 5 or 6 times a day! I'm obsessed. And I hate it. I am sure I could find better things to do than stalk people. I could finish reading one of the books I have sitting on my desk. I could CALL someone or better yet hang out with someone. It is nice to see where people are and how they are doing but I feel like I need to get this obsession under control before I can use this communication tool wisely. But I will be back! And hopefully, will have a ton of pictures from my summer adventures to add! I will try to keep up on my blogging as to keep my "many" followers happy=) Love you 4 peeps! Talk to you soon!!!

Sunrise Service

Mount Hermon has a sunrise sermon each Easter where we all trek up the hill to the top where there is a 15 foot cross and a beautiful view of the Santa Cruz Mountains. I usually find myself distracted by a lot of "man-madeness" up there. Whether its the city of Scotts Valley down the hill, the rock quarry, the fence, the water tower, the AT&T tower... whatever it is I usually see it as in the way of seeing God. Danny Wallen shared a perfect lesson for such a person like me. The water tower reminds us of His provision for us. The fence reminds us of the prison we are now free of because of His sacrifice. The AT&T tower reminds us of the open connection we now have with God. As Kit was leading us in worship, we all sang as the sun peaked over the clouds, conspicuous at first, and then beaming over the mountains and valley, the buildings and people. I found myself seeing the city so much differently. His people were down there, His creation. And here He was proclaiming Himself through this magnificent sunrise, proclaiming His might, His beauty, His provisions, His power... and these people below don't see the miracle. They want to stay warm in their beds. They want another hour of sleep. They want a longer break from this fallen world. The sun is their enemy as long as they dread that day that has now arrived. And they don't see Him. As I sat on that hill I was so humbled. The LORD woke me this morning just in time to get up there. The LORD enabled me to climb that hill just in time to be with the body. The LORD provided this hope that each new day brings. I am so blessed to know this Lord and to be supernaturally lead by Him. And as I looked down on that once distracting pile of cement and street lamps and roads, my heart broke. It broke, I think, because His heart breaks as He reveals himself in these wonderous ways, and His people don't even notice. They need Him. I need Him. And He is willing and patient. What an amazing Easter morning. He is Risen. He is Risen indeed!!!!!

Sorry, its a sad one. But honest.

Today was one of those days. You never really see them coming. You know there is stuff in your life that isn't quite right. Relationships that need mending. Decisions that need making. Prayers that need praying. Problems that need solving. You know. They are no secret to you. But you don't expect it all to come crashing down on you in one day. And its not a crash actually. That might make it easier. Because then there would be onlookers, good samaritans ready to jump in and help clean up the mess. No this day starts like any other. And the destruction is from within. No car. No windshield. No air bags. Just thoughts. Thoughts that slow you down. There are bandages that are slowly being pulled away revealing open wounds vulnerable for the re-wounding. And anything can do it. A remark that any other day wouldn't have been noticed. A disapproving glance that sends your mind into a whirlwind of doubt and insecurity. And even neglect. Even the lack of words or lack of glances. Even that makes it worse. Because today, everything reminds you that you are alone. Everything reminds you that no one really knows you. That when it comes down to it, there is no one on this planet who loves you the way you want to be loved. And it takes all day to remember Him. All day to remember that you are right. That there is no one on this earth that loves you because He has a kingdom of His own, far above this place. It takes all day to remember you are NEVER alone. To remember He is speaking to you, He is looking over you. He is affirming your heart and walk. He is proclaiming His redemption and grace through you. It takes all day to remember that under those bandages that you placed on your heart over and over, under those bandages there are no wounds, just scars, painful memories but healed and safe. Healed by Him, by His presence, by His peace, by His comfort. By His redemption. It takes you until the moments before you fall asleep to be reminded that this is the day that the Lord has made. And as you dose off you realize once again the Lord is reigning victorious over the great deceiver. And this day becomes something different. Oswald Chambers said,

“When a man gets to despair he knows that all his thinking will never get him out. He will only get out by the sheer creative effort of God. Consequently he is in the right attitude to receive from God that which he cannot gain for himself.”

Unintentionally Condemning Myself

Romans 2:1

Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

Example of me judging others

As I am walking into the Santa Cruz Diner, I spot a man in
a minnie skirt, polo and an iguanna on his shoulder.
The whole things disturbs my being, from head to toe. Freak

Example of me actually judging myself

I have a pair of shoes that my mom bought me once. Really expensive and they are supposed to help your posture and burn more calories. The problem is their soles are like 3 inches thick and they make look like I have 2 club feet. I wear them out of guilt sometimes for letting my mom buy them for me. I think it might be a conspiracy to make me look retarded. Freak.

Moral: Don't judge someone by what they are wearing. I am sure Michael Jackson goes out in normal clothes sometimes... that's deceiving.


I make a joke of this but in reality it hits home. Everytime I can think of that I have chosen to judge someone not only can I mirror it with a similar offense of my own, I don't need to. Because ALL have fallen short and I am the least of these. Seeing the good in all people, now that is a task! But such a good and God-honoring one!

Why I Don't like Disneyland (No offense Sarah or Char)

OK, there are 60,000 people in one place. The bathrooms are always crowded. People are constantly looking at you like you are a waste of space because you are in theirs. Kids are throwing up cotton candy and pickles. People are not wearing enough clothes. I have to sit in the same seat as the girls who are pretty much wearing denim underwear. Yuck! The lines aren't just long, they are ridiculous. Ridiculous because in the time it would take me to wait to ride Pirates of the Caribbean, I could be in the Caribbean. And with the price of admission, it just might be cheaper. There are grown men in tights walking around like they own the place, and I am not just talking about the cast members. I have blisters on the back of my ankles. Not from my tennis shoes (I wore Rainbows) but from the 389 strollers that rammed me from behind. There are more wheelchairs in Disneyland than anywhere on the planet. Fakers, who get rewarded by cutting in front of me, shortening their wait time by 3 hours per ride. Who says cheating doesn't pay! I don't mean to be so negative. Someone I really respect LOVES Disneyland and I get it. It is a place where your 8 year-old dreams can come true. But my 26 year-old dreams were squashed by the rather large lady with a cane who swooped in on my bench! MY BENCH! I guess its people like me that make Disneyland what it is. Sarah, you are my hero! I love you for seeing the good in all people and even all places! I will work on it. Although I will probably never go to Disneyland again, I now how have incredible memories there with Charlotte, Sarah, Beth, Katie and Annie! You girls made all the difference in the world!!!! Oh yeah! And It's a Small World sucks!

A Lesson on Your Senses

It's Wednesday night. NIGHT HIKE!!!! My kids have been waiting for this moment all week. We start by walking silently, getting our eyes adjusted to the night sky. They are besides themselves with anxiety and excitement. And as I hear giggles coming form the very back of the trail group, I realize my counselors are pretty antsy too. My first activity is one intended to challenge them to investigate two of their senses: smell and taste. The truth is they are connected and tasting flavor is near impossible without your sense of smell. So the directions are to hold your nose with one hand and put your other hand out in front of you so that I can give you a jelly bean. Chew the jelly bean for 20 seconds and try to figure out what flavor it is. Once I had gotten them to this point, I asked them to let go of their nose and tell me what flavor they had. "Grape!" "Yuck!" "Chocolate!" "Tutti-frutti" And then my counselor.

"I can't taste it. How am I supposed to taste it?"

I didn't exactly know how to respond and knowing me, you can imagine my facial expression at this point. Good thing it was dark. "Well," I really tried not to be patronizing, "With your tongue I guess."

Silence.

Her response sent us all into hysterics. "So its not supposed to be up my nose?"

She must have missed a word here or there. She started to try to snot rocket it out of her nostril as the rest of us keeled over laughing! What planet are these people from?! Moral of the story: Don't be the kind of idiot who does whatever anyone tells you to do. Especially if you think they are telling you to lodge anything up your nose. I guess except for bay leaves cause I tell my kids to do that every week... you get my point.

Long View

THIS IS NOT MINE!!!! I found this in high school and have no idea where it is from but I love it.

It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view.
The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise
that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of saying that the Kingdom
always lies beyond us.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives include everything.
This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We can not do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for
God's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Amen.

A letter to a friend...

After an amazingly fun night with friends, the conversation changed directions and a friend in particular shared that he had just lost a niece and was just trying to wrap his brain around it. After sitting in silence as he shared, crying and vulnerable, said good night without a word of my own struggle. So I decided to write him and this is what came of it...

Then our night turned serious. And I am thankful for it because it was what I needed. The truth is, birthdays are hard for me. I want to share this with you because mourning is tricky. Its long-lasting, its short-lived, its everything we think it won't be and nothing we expect.

All day today, something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it but I was waiting for something and it never came. I was anxious and nervous and I could not figure out what is was that I thought should happen. I was on my solo walk at night hike, setting up the path with glow sticks when it hit me harder than it ever has in the last 4 and a half years, I was waiting for my dad to call. I got so angry at myself because I know he is dead. I was there when my mom got the call. I picked up his things from his apartment in San Francisco. I took care of his funeral over 4 years ago. But I had somehow displaced that pain completely and had tricked myself into believing he would call, he would call and make fun of my "old age" and tell stories of his own youth. How stupid. How mean.

Then tonight we started talking about mourning, about giving grace to ourselves. I started to cry. I was speechless. More than anything I wanted to tell you that it was ok. That whatever you felt was ok. That it wouldn't be what you expected, or what others expected for that matter. That it would last for a time you couldn't control. That it will affect you at times you would never imagine. That you might not feel it when you want to or that you would be overwhelmed with emotion at the exact moment you wouldn't want to (like at your surprise birthday party/concert extravaganza) But I couldn't. So I decided to write it. I do better in this line of communication than face to face anyway.

All this to say, you are not alone. Your loss is much different than mine, but not less. Death is hard and confusing and humbling and all of those things change us no matter what degree. I don't have any wisdom just understanding and empathy for where you are and what you face. Thank you for being transparent. God used you to break me, to comfort me, and I think to continue to heal me. I will be praying for you with all my heart. Good Night.

One Quarter Century Down, Lord Knows How Much to Go!

One hour and 8 minutes left of my 25th year. I have accumulated hundreds of incredible friends in my life but I have been especially blessed by the ones in the last few years. Looking back on where God has placed me in the last 25 years, I can honestly say He has been busy! I am not the same person as I was a year ago and so grateful for that! So is Charlotte! And the friendships I have now are deeper than I've ever had before. All that to say... how does it get any better? What should I be hoping for. I have decided to never get married, so I am not looking for a man:) I have the greatest friends in the world so I am not looking for that either! The truth is i could never have imagined a year ago I would be here, teaching in Santa Cruz, being met here by a gracious and loving Father who teaches me daily how to love Him more, with people I never imagined meeting... ever! So if I couldn't have planned this year, how can I expect to know what is to come?! It is exciting and I am looking forward to it. If you have any ideas for how to make the next 25 years better than the first please, please let me know!

Striving for the Goal

I love that God pays attention to the details. I am never looking for the blessings that God drops. Today I was so encouraged by a friends courage and humility to admit to a past she isn't proud of. Not to boast in her own growth but to boast in the God who changed her, who guided her, who loved her despite it all. Amazing.

And my cousin called. This guy is my true best friend. He is the only person who knew me as a kid, as a loud, obnoxious, bossy kid. And our childhood was ours. We share memories that just crack us up the second we are reminded. My little Ross is all grown up. I guess I am too. What a blessing to have someone in my life like that. I am so excited to be a bigger part of each others life!

And I worked out tonight. God definitely gets the credit for that!

Small details, huge impact. I love my life. I love the people in it. I love the God and Savior who orchestrates it all for His glory and my ultimate joy! What a great day!

Silver Pants and Laughter

Inside jokes are kinda mean. They bug me because its laughter that can't be shared with anyone except those who were there. I am blessed and my life is full of laughter. Lately it has been because of 3 special girls that mean the world to me. Sydney, Becca and Sarah have grown from little sisters into friends in the last 5 years. We laugh constantly. These are the kind of girls that wear matching silver leggings in a game of ultimate frisbee in the snow. You know them. The kind of girls who strive to make their time together fun and memorable. They challenge each other to be living for God's glory. They make fun of each others "poots." They giggle into the wee hours of the morning. The best part of it all is the way they love. They love me more than I deserve and I hope I never take for granted what God has brought into my life. I want everyone to know that love, that laughter. It's something to be shared. It's something to be cherished and grateful for.

Forgetting

I started reading East of Eden by Steinbeck, honestly, not so excited. I know, I know its a classic. But there is just something about it being my dorky high school English teachers favorite book of all time that turns me off. How could I have anything in common with this middle-aged whack job who, by the way, slammed her head on a desk to make a point about dramatic presentations. So yeah, she's interesting. My attitude was needless to say pretty bad but since I have come to love reading so much more in my adult years, I decided to give it a go.

I am only in chapter 2 but I am already floored by its truth. This guy is giving some history to the place he grew up and while describing the people farming there he says, "And it never failed that during the dry years the people forgot about the rich years, and during the wet years they lost all memory of the dry years. It was always that way."

That is so true of me and as far as I can tell true for most of the people around me. What would we have to complain about otherwise? How quickly do I forget the blessing of a job when its just making coffee? How often do I forget my struggle with loneliness when I am surrounded by new friends? I have so many things to thank God for giving me or even taking away but I am so consumed with what is now, I forget what was.

So my teacher and I have a lot more in common than I expected. And I am a jerk. Actually when I really try to remember her now, I remember she had a great sense of humor and always had passion for what she was teaching.

Humble beginnings...

So I have these two really great friends who keep bugging me to start blogging.(see picture) They know I process through communication, so I guess they are right. I need this. I need this to evaluate the world around me, the many experiences that otherwise would be forgotten. I like to make people laugh but I can be serious too. So I really have no idea how this will turn out. Be patient with me. (I have really bad grammar!) Be honest with me. (I might make you mad!) I would love to hear what you think. (I might change your life=)

With that said...

I had an amazing experience at church yesterday. Twin Lakes in Capitola had a guest speaker: J.P. Moreland!!! He shared a ton of statistics about what God is doing on the mission field that left me deeply encouraged. The Christian Movement has grown more in the last 40 years than ever before and in countries never saved before. I know that some would be skeptical of this. "Narrow is the gate" is often used to infer that not many will know Christ. That most will choose to follow their own path. Or that many convertions aren't genuine. But I can't help but be so encouraged to see God loving the whole world, fighting for their hearts with no limitations, no hesitation. Seeing the world changing while we stand still makes me want to go and see the church in these other places where miracles are happening and people are being healed in the name of Jesus. I feel like my hope has been renewed in a holy, loving God, jealous for His people. I feel like my God just got so much bigger!